Thursday, April 26, 2007

Deception Often Delays Marriage

It was asked of me:
"Why is it that people a few generations ago were ready to marry and start families at 18 (or even younger) while today we have 40 year olds who aren't ready? A lot of it goes back to the fact that our kids are being entertained to death. Everything is play, play, play, and they are never taught to grow up. That in itself has a huge impact on modern "dating". Let's face it, if a person is in the process of dating for 20 years without searching for a spouse, this person is going to eventually do things he shouldn't be doing."
I'm of the opinion that one new variable is that we now live in a world where education (or at least the gaining of a college degree) is more important than before. Accordingly, there are additional pressures that can delay marriage. Having said that, I believe that the main reason for what you have observed is that people do not take sexual sin as seriously today as in years gone by. Accordingly, we have men who keep going to the well of 1 John 1:9 rather than using God's provision for the flesh, which is of course marriage. In other words, if more men would make it an absolute priority to rid themselves of their improper thought life and premarital relations through God's means of appointment, then I think the result would be earlier marriages. Finally, I also find that men can be way too selective. Sure, a man must be attracted to his spouse but so many women are not seen as attractive as they actually are because today more men are lusting after the super models that are on parade. I suppose that many women are guilty of the same sort of thing. {At the risk of taking away from what I have said above, it must be said that there are many single men who are disciplined with their thought life and are earnestly seeking a spouse though getting up in years.}


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razzendahcuben said...

Hmmm. Personally I am not at all a proponent of early marriage. Maybe its a result of the times. As you have pointed out, people are immature. I really see no biblical precedent for getting married early just because "its that time." I see singleness as being something extremely precious and therefore not something to escape. (Something that the girls at most Christian colleges would do well to learn.) The right time is as important as the right girl, and I can't help but get annoyed when I see college-aged kids getting married before they're even out of college.

I'll keep ranting so I better stop myself now...

David A Booth said...


Our culture, even within the Church, puts a significant amount of pressure on young adults to delay marriage. Virtually anyone in their early 20's who is contemplating marriage will receive an almost unanimous set of responses that can be summed up in two words: "Why rush?"

In addition to helping our children grow into godly young adults (in the midst of a culture that encourages delayed adolescence), we should also re-think what we can do to encourage and strengthen those who do chose to marry in their late teens and early twenties.

For example, parents often provide assistance to their single children who are attending college. Perhaps this same sort of support should be extended to young couples getting married. Does it really make more sense to leave as much money as possible to your children when they are in their 60's as it does to help capitalize the young couple starting out?

Local congregations could also take a much more proactive roll in helping young couples navigate the workplace and the basics of getting established as a family.

p.s. We are having a beautiful early Fall up here in New Hampshire!

Reformed Apologist said...

David - very good insights I think. I'm sorry to have to agree with you but I must; Christians are discouraged to marry early as much as unbelievrs. :(

Our weather is day by day. Sometimes it feels like an "Indian summer" and other days it seems like fall is just around the corner. Go figure!

Take good care of Lori and Jason for us!